What the fuck is this all about?  Look, I love Pepsi.  From Pepsi Free to Crystal Pepsi.  From Pepsi One to Holiday Spice Pepsi.  I’ve used all of it for lube when I am treating my penis like hostile witness.  Usually Pepsi is the one brand name that I think handles their marketing and advertising in the most unique and entertaining manner possible. (Anybody rememberTHIS COMMERCIAL??  Speaking of self abuse…)

Point being if anyone on the planet is sympathetic to the Joy of Pepsi, it’s those of us here at the Fukerton.  That being said, we have no idea what the fuck is going on with what is pictured to the right here.  It looks like the Summer’s Eve logo.  I don’t know if this this is supposed to be a delicious carbonated beverage or if it’s going to cure my yeast infection.  One of the real problems I have is that my number one soda is not even pictured in this New World Order.  Pepsi One.  With the packaging for the other sodas being this homoerotic, I am worried that there will just be a giant dildo on the wrapper for Pepsi One.  That and is it THAT hard to spell out “Mountain” on the bottle of “Mountain Dew?”  That’s not very extreme.

What.  The.  Shit?

We here at TheFukerton.com like to think we have the best website in the all of Sandra Bullock’s Net.  It’s rare when we come across one that rivals the greatness that we strive to bring to Al Gore’s finest invention.  When it happens, not only are we impressed but we try to bring it to your attention.  Which brings us to Fast Food Fever.com.  A website that not only keeps you updated on the goings on in the realm of fast food, they take it to the next level.  They come up with new and original combinations using traditional fast food favorites.  One of the combos include the McNugget burger pictured to the right.  The also have a Frosty/Coke combination a triple burger and surf and turf.  They have managed to make the heavenly process of eating fast food even more amazing and interesting.  Listen to this description of their “Fry Dog:”

It all started about 10 years ago in a little McDonald’s in Maine. Tired of having my Big Mac slide all over the place with the dreaded third bun, I decided to remove it. However, I was still too hungry to throw it away so I put some fries into and magic happened…Fry Dog!

Over the years I’ve perfected the technique below to create a perfect Fry Dog every time. I would suggest making sure you get plenty of secret sauce on the bun and only use 7-8 fries for maximum flavor. Enjoy!.

This guy is a modern day Leonardo Da Vinci.  I’m not getting a dollar from this site, but I will be plunking down a few dollars in the creation of some of these beauties.  Arteries be damned.

There are points in your life when you will question your faith.  When maybe you don’t think there is a God, and that heaven is some sort of myth.  Then there are times when something miraculous happens and you know that there is a higher power that wants you to be happy.  That He wants you to know there is something better for you out there.  This is one of those moments. Junk Food News knows of that of which I speak.  Control your drooling and please read about the undeniable evidence that God exists, and wants us to be happy:

Following the success of its recent Chicken Fillet Biscuit promotion, this week Hardee’s introduces another nod to Southern cuisine – the Pork Chop ‘N’ Gravy Biscuit. Featuring a breaded, boneless pork chop and sausage gravy on one of the chain’s signature Made From Scratch Biscuits, the new menu item is sure to stick to the ribs of even the hungriest breakfast customer.

“We first introduced a Pork Chop Biscuit a few years ago and, even though we stopped selling it last year, we still get many requests from people asking us to bring it back,” said Brad Haley, Hardee’s Executive Vice President of Marketing. “And, since we had many reports from our restaurants that people were ordering a side of our famous sausage gravy to dip the biscuit in – which I usually do myself, by the way – we decided to re-test it with sausage gravy already on it and it was more popular than ever. So, I guess the old saying among our test kitchen people is true: ‘The only way to make it better is to add gravy to it!’.”

Our Father, who art in heaven,

Hallowed be thy Name.

Thy kingdom come.

Thy will be done,

On earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses,

As we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation,

But deliver us from evil.

For thine is the kingdom,

and the power, and the glory,

for ever and ever.

Amen.

Check those babies out.  I have never understood why the only thing you can really have delievered to your house is pizza.  Sure there are chinese joints here and there and Big Bite is doing great things, but pizza seems to be the only mainstay in most areas.  Well Dominos says no more. Junk Food News (the greatest concept for a blog, ever) has the details on the glorious news:

At 4.99 a pop, they seem like quite a bargin.  I think ordering two will be the move, clearly.  One to eat and one to shove down the front of my pants.  When I hear words like “parmesan-asiago” and “bacon with provolone,” I need to get that product into my trousers as quickly as possible.

I love Seinfeld, I love food from seinfeld.  Junior Mints, Drakes Coffee Cake, Papya King Hot Dogs, the works.  That’s why, when Taquitos.net dropped this bombshell, I started doing round house kicks in my living room.  God willing, Papi will now open up a joint where he makes duck without washing his hands first.  Check it out:

Thanks to Jerry Seinfeld, the whole vocabulary of food has changed. Soup is no longer just soup — it’s a privilege. Blow it, and “No soup for you!”

Real life has imitated fiction once again at your supermarket, as the good folks at Eggo/Kellogg’s are following the wisdom of Elaine Benes and selling Muffin Tops, giving us just the best part of the muffin.

Top of the Muffin to you, mother fuckers!  I love muffins and I love cigar store Indians.  I also love it when Newman gets fleas, and when Kramer burns his shirt in an oven.  There are so many great ideas for businesses in Seinfeld , I’m shocked more don’t pop up.  Pirate Shirt Store.  Make Your Own Pizza Kitchen.  Faking Cancer Support Group.  The list goes on an on.

If there is one thing that I know in this world, it’s that breakfast sandwhiches can always be bigger.  Carl’s Jr seems to be doing some great things in this department.  From the fine people at Junk Food News put The Fukerton on to this monster.  There are no Carl’s Jr around these here parts, but if there were, be sure that I would slamming down the The Monster Breakfast Sandwich.  Water yer mouth by reading THIS:

The sandwich is filled with all of the classic breakfast favorites, including two eggs, two strips of bacon, a sausage patty and Swiss and American cheeses piled between grilled sourdough bread.  The Monster Breakfast Sandwich also serves as the kick-off for new positioning of the entire Carl’s Jr. breakfast menu, featuring the tagline, “Breakfast as big as our burgers.”

Nothing I’d rather shut my heart down with more than bacon, egg, cheese, and sausage.  I just hope it’s not too big.  I would hate to not be able to eat one of these while I cram a second one straight up my asshole.  It would be nice if McDonalds would stop it will the salads and apple slices and realize that if you are going to get some fast food, you want something that could kill you.

Generally I think that Anheuser-Busch has its shit together.  This throws my whole world into pandemonium.  Apparently between now and Labor Day, AB is offer what looks to be a one way ticket to Homoville in a bottle.  Read further if youve ever been curious about what Colin Ferrall looks like naked.

a line-up of three new flavors available in a 12-bottle variety pack, or a single flavor 6-pack. The flavors include Pomegranate Raspberry, Lime Cactus and Tuscan Orange Grapefruit.

Slashfood.com has a list of food that these new queer beers pair best with. There is a very easy testicle joke to be made here, but I am taking the high road.  Who the fuck is going to buy these?  Chicks?  Isn’t this what wine is for?  I catch shit for throwing a lime in a Dos Equis Amber, this is the equivalent of replacing the lime with a dildo.

I like to keep up date on food that makes my loins tingle and for that I often check the gluttons at junkfoodnews.net.  I wish they would update the site more often but the shit they have is good.  Real good, son.  I dont know when summer movie season started meaning new and exciting junkfood, but I like the trend.  From Iron Man and Hulk Slurpies to Indiana Jones Mint M and M’s, all the major blockbusters are cashing in.  And now this…

Special Edition Reese’s Milk Chocolate Peanut Butter Bats and Reese’s Dark Peanut Butter Bats feature a unique bat shape to mark the debut of the highly anticipated new Batman feature, arriving in theaters July 18. Reese’s Pieces Candies are getting in on the fun by masking themselves in a Batman-themed black and blue color scheme, and Kit Kat Dark Knight Bars feature an imprinted Bat-Signal on standard and king size bars. The Special Edition Batman products hit store shelves this month.

Kit Kats arn’t my bag baby, not like sweedish penis pumps.  I like new product in any form and I love colorful packaging.  Unless we are talking humans.  I only like them to come in one color.  Eskimo.  Everyone else can go screw.