Jason Statham is an actor of note.  He might be the only actor in Hollywood that isn’t an arrogant self absorbed egomaniac.  Statham is one HELL of an action hero.  You know what kind of movies he makes?  Action movies.  He gives people what they want.  The first Crank was amazing.  Funny as shit and entertaining even more so.   This is the redband trailer for “Crank 2: High Voltage.”  I am already awarding it The Fukerton’s best picture of the year.  From this video alone I see cursing, sex, cursing, shooting, kickboxing and cursing.  That’s all you need in life, dear friends.  I don’t think we’ll see Jason Statham staring in “The Pacifier” or that gay football daughter movie The Rock was in.  No, I don’t think we will see that, and I’d like to kiss Statham’s bald head for that. By kiss his bald head, I mean blow him and there’s not anything homosexual about it. In fact, YOU’RE gay if you don’t want to fellate Jason Statham. So let it be written…

If they can make Transformers into a great action flick, than why not Snarf and the gang?  I think GI Joe may already be doomed by politically correct shit heads Hollywood types, but Thundercats could really be something.  I even like the way this nerd cast the flick.   Have a gander.

I’m no comic nerd.  I like super heros and I will occasionally pic up a few books from time to time but I don’t like getting bogged down in the minutiae.  The Swordsman?  Black Bolt?   Spitfire?  Lick my balls.  I don’t give a shit about any of those people and I get sick and tied of Marvel trying to get me to buy crappy, lame titles by using bigger characters as tie-ins.  I’m not buying one more fucking Ms. Marvel book, I don’t care how many skrulls are invading our planet.   I won’t buy one more Captain Britian comic no matter how bad Stark and Rogers are beefing.   And I’m gonna tell you something T.  Are you listening?I’m not gonna be one of those assholes!  Now, all of that being said, let me admit that the picture above makes me a hypocrite.  Some nefarious would-be anti-hero running around in red, white and blue Iron Man armor?  I’ll use my cock to sign myself up for that.  Read on true believer:

Who is the Iron Patriot? Who are the Dark Avengers?

These questions and more will be answered on January 21 when writer Brian Michael Bendis and artist Mike Deodato bring the world DARK AVENGERS #1, but until then, whet your appetite for mystery with a sneak peek at this variant cover by Adi Granov!

DARK AVENGERS #1 (NOV082323)
DARK AVENGERS #1 DJURDJEVIC VARIANT (NOV082324)
DARK AVENGERS #1 GRANOV VARIANT (OCT088193)
DARK AVENGERS #1 BLANK COVER (OCT088006)
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Pencils & Cover by MIKE DEODATO
Variant Cover by MARKO DJURDJEVIC
Variant Cover by ADI GRANOV
Rated T+ …$3.99
FOC—12/18/08, On-Sale—1/21/09

Let’s do the math ladies.  He reads comics.  Plays video games.  Collects action figures and LOOOOOOVES fast food.  Just throw those diaphragms away tonight, because you won’t be needing those.  YOWZA!

credit: Marvel.com

I almost like fat Seagal better than when he actually was kicking ass.  This flick looks like it maybe the perfect storm of awesome.  A blade ripoff starring a carbo loading, 60 year old Mason Storm??  SIgn me up and take these trousers with you, because they are no longer needed here.  Big ups to the The Horror Geek for being all over this developing story.  Against the Dark FTW.

Well it doesn’t matter if you are or not, because it’s happening.  Like sex with Mike Tyson.   To be honest, I’m not a big fan of any of the Robocop movies.  I love the character, and the concept is beyond nerdgasm worthy.  I just never could get past the cheesy clay animation action sequences. 

It’s not even a question of looking dated, those movies were just dated.  Check out any of the Star Wars trilogy, Predator or The Thing if you don’t believe me.  There were great special effects out decades ago, just not in Robocop.   I thought that Robocop got his ass kicked a little too much.  I don’t really enjoy seeing Murphy with his helmet either while I am airing grievances. All that slander aside, no one is more jacked for a rated R reboot of this franchise than those of us here Fukertoning it up.  SFF Media has the specs:

While promoting his new movie The Wrestler, Darren Aronofsky, director of MGM’s upcoming RoboCop remake, told reporters he is developing a hardcore version of the classic cyborg cyberpunk police movie. According to SCIFI Wire, he plans to return to the violent tone of the original Robocop, which its sequels Robocop 2 and Robocop 3 shied away from.

“If we do it, it [can] definitely be rated R,” Aronofsky said.

Considering that the original 1987 R-rated Robocop directed by Paul Verhoeven was criticised for being an ultraviolent blood fest (Verhoeven’s stock and trade), where rapid gory death, scolding toxic radioactive waste, and heavy machine gun fire are the norm, I would have expected him to take a different path. Perhaps though, it’s wasn’t his idea to begin with?

First Showing.Net reported that a fan attending the Licensing International Expo 2008 asked the MGM representative about RoboCop (before MGM had selected a director) and was told that it was going to be “rated R” and would “blow everyone away.” So it appears MGM has been aiming for a violent RoboCop revival all along.

“Ultraviolent Bloodfest.”  The only phrase that could be more arrousing is “Yes Mr Dukes, Ms. Spears wants to use your face as an easy chair.”  Count me in for either.

Marv is one of the best characters in print or film that I have ever seen.  Mickey Rourke nailed the role and left me begging for more.  The rest of the movie was pretty good, but that first 30 minutes of Sin City is some of the best stuff that this blogger has laid eyes on.  I didn’t read the graphic novel and I don’t know if a sequel would include Marv, Gladis and his mitts, but I sure hope so.   It would lead to a brazilian jujitsu match between myself and my phalus.  Luckily It looks like we won’t have to wait that much longer to find out if my cock can get me in the triangle choke.  Superhero Hype has the skinny:

IGN UK talked to The Spirit writer/director Frank Miller, who says that he’s ready to join up with Robert Rodriguez again for Sin City 2:

“Sin City 2 is written,” he told the site. “It’s mainly a matter of working out the details of the production. I’m hoping to do it with Robert Rodriguez again in the same circumstances that we did the first one, and we could be shooting as soon as April.”

Sounds good to me.  Now let’s get that 300 prequel announced and we will be getting somewhere.  Then maybe a bonus scene where Marv, Leonidas and Bruce Willis square off in lightsaber duel.  We’ll all have to buy life jackets if that happens or we will down from all the nerd ejaculate that we will be inundated with.   Alllllright.

I’d like to preface this with saying that I am aware that this looks like a straight to DVD offering.  I was doing some prep work for an interview with Ray Stevenson who stars as Frank Castle in Punisher: Warzone.  Included in his IMDB profile is a movies called “Outpost.”  Now I have never heard of this movie, but when I read the description, I knew that I needed to know more.  I’m generally very well plugged into the Nazi Zombie community, thats why I can’t stand it when something like this slips past me.  Listen to THIS goddamn plot summary:

In a seedy bar in a town ravaged by war, mysterious businessman Hunt hires ex-marine D.C. to assemble a crack team of ex-soldiers to protect him on a dangerous journey into no-man’s land. To this gang of hardened warriors, battle-worn veterans and borderline criminals killing is just a job - and one they enjoy. Their mission - to scope out an old military bunker. It should be easy - 48 hours at the most. Lots of cash for little risk, or so he says.

Once at the outpost, the men make a horrific discovery that turns their mission on its head - the scene of a bloody and gruesome series of experiments, carried out by the Nazis on their own soldiers during WWII. Amid the carnage, they find something even more disturbing - someone who’s still alive. As war rages above ground, and a mysterious enemy emerges from the darkness below, D.C. and his men find themselves trapped in a claustrophobic and terrifying scenario. Their mission is no longer one of safe-guarding - it’s one of survival. Together they must discover why Hunt has brought them to the outpost - and what it is that’s killing them off, one by one.

Now if this movie ends with Ray walking around with a minigun taking on a Zombie Adolf Hitler, I am most likely going to fill the cup.  Why aren’t undead Nazi’s used more in film?  The best villian in history combined with the best villian in horror.  What could be better than shredding them with multiple shotgun shells?  I’ll be in bathroom, doing exactly what you think I would be doing.

I recognize this dreamboat.  He was in Kingdom of Heaven and some other sword swinging flicks.  To be honest, he looks like a damn good Thunder God to me.  I never bought all that horseshit about Brad Pitt or Daniel Craig.   They look too much like movie stars, I think I’d have a hard time buying them as hailing from Asgard. Superhero Hype has the yet to be confirmed rumor on who will wield the mighty Mjolnir

Kevin McKidd, who currently stars on “Grey’s Anatomy,” told IGN that he’s still a contender for the lead role in Marvel Studios’ Thor. The actor, most known for “Journeyman” and “Rome,” says there’s been “a lot of back and forth” but that nothing has been determined. He acknowledged that Kenneth Branagh is directing it, a choice that makes him even more excited about the film.

Marvel Studios is targeting a July 16, 2010 release for Thor.

Robert Downey Jr.  speaking to MTV about the upcoming Avengers movie:

“If we don’t get it right it’s really, really going to suck,” said Downey. “It has to be the crowning blow of Marvel’s best and brightest because it’s the hardest thing to get right. It’s tough to spin all the plates for one of these characters.”

“I think its important that I do what I’m supposed to do which is keep my side of the street clean,” said Downey. “The danger you run with colliding all these worlds is [director] Jon [Favreau] was very certain that ‘Iron Man’ should be set in a very realistic world. Nothing that happened in ‘Iron Man’ is really outside the realm of possibility. Once you start talking about Valhalla and supersized super soldiers and jolly green giants it warrants much further discussion.”

I love the fact that RDJ is a nerd.  I love the fact that he seems to really care about the production.  I ALSO love the fact RDJ seemingly outted the Hulk being involved in the film.  That’s really the only thing that could make an Avengers movie even cooler.  If they were taking on Mama Banner’s baby boy.  Being a nerd seems to be getting better and better.  2011 might be the year of the guy that spent time in his locker.  I love it.

Black Film by way of Super Hero Hype has a ton of new clips and interviews from the upcoming Marvel release Punisher: Warzone.  This thing looks pretty fricken great.  Ton’s of shooting and violence, easy on the plot and backstory.  I like it.  Hell, I love it. I have clue who Ray Stevenson is, but he looks mad and he seems to have alot of guns.  Can’t ask much more for a Frank Castle.  If you have been under a rock,  Read this fucking plot synopsis from S.H.H.  Then click the link below or above to watch said video clips.  They are worth your time:

In the film, ruthless vigilante-hero Frank Castle wages his one-man war on the world of organized crime and sets his sights on overeager mob boss Billy Russoti. After Russoti is left horribly disfigured by Castle, he sets out for vengeance under his new alias: Jigsaw. With the “Punisher Task Force” hot on his trail and the FBI unable to take Jigsaw in, Frank must stand up to the formidable army that Jigsaw has recruited before more of his evil deeds go unpunished.

You can watch the clips here!

To put it in terms involving its predecessor staring Thomas Jane; I’m hoping this Punny has less saving weird people in an apartment buildling and more Kevin Nash getting bashed over the head with boiling water.  I don’t think that’s asking too much.