I’m no comic nerd.  I like super heros and I will occasionally pic up a few books from time to time but I don’t like getting bogged down in the minutiae.  The Swordsman?  Black Bolt?   Spitfire?  Lick my balls.  I don’t give a shit about any of those people and I get sick and tied of Marvel trying to get me to buy crappy, lame titles by using bigger characters as tie-ins.  I’m not buying one more fucking Ms. Marvel book, I don’t care how many skrulls are invading our planet.   I won’t buy one more Captain Britian comic no matter how bad Stark and Rogers are beefing.   And I’m gonna tell you something T.  Are you listening?I’m not gonna be one of those assholes!  Now, all of that being said, let me admit that the picture above makes me a hypocrite.  Some nefarious would-be anti-hero running around in red, white and blue Iron Man armor?  I’ll use my cock to sign myself up for that.  Read on true believer:

Who is the Iron Patriot? Who are the Dark Avengers?

These questions and more will be answered on January 21 when writer Brian Michael Bendis and artist Mike Deodato bring the world DARK AVENGERS #1, but until then, whet your appetite for mystery with a sneak peek at this variant cover by Adi Granov!

DARK AVENGERS #1 (NOV082323)
DARK AVENGERS #1 DJURDJEVIC VARIANT (NOV082324)
DARK AVENGERS #1 GRANOV VARIANT (OCT088193)
DARK AVENGERS #1 BLANK COVER (OCT088006)
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Pencils & Cover by MIKE DEODATO
Variant Cover by MARKO DJURDJEVIC
Variant Cover by ADI GRANOV
Rated T+ …$3.99
FOC—12/18/08, On-Sale—1/21/09

Let’s do the math ladies.  He reads comics.  Plays video games.  Collects action figures and LOOOOOOVES fast food.  Just throw those diaphragms away tonight, because you won’t be needing those.  YOWZA!

credit: Marvel.com

Marv is one of the best characters in print or film that I have ever seen.  Mickey Rourke nailed the role and left me begging for more.  The rest of the movie was pretty good, but that first 30 minutes of Sin City is some of the best stuff that this blogger has laid eyes on.  I didn’t read the graphic novel and I don’t know if a sequel would include Marv, Gladis and his mitts, but I sure hope so.   It would lead to a brazilian jujitsu match between myself and my phalus.  Luckily It looks like we won’t have to wait that much longer to find out if my cock can get me in the triangle choke.  Superhero Hype has the skinny:

IGN UK talked to The Spirit writer/director Frank Miller, who says that he’s ready to join up with Robert Rodriguez again for Sin City 2:

“Sin City 2 is written,” he told the site. “It’s mainly a matter of working out the details of the production. I’m hoping to do it with Robert Rodriguez again in the same circumstances that we did the first one, and we could be shooting as soon as April.”

Sounds good to me.  Now let’s get that 300 prequel announced and we will be getting somewhere.  Then maybe a bonus scene where Marv, Leonidas and Bruce Willis square off in lightsaber duel.  We’ll all have to buy life jackets if that happens or we will down from all the nerd ejaculate that we will be inundated with.   Alllllright.

I recognize this dreamboat.  He was in Kingdom of Heaven and some other sword swinging flicks.  To be honest, he looks like a damn good Thunder God to me.  I never bought all that horseshit about Brad Pitt or Daniel Craig.   They look too much like movie stars, I think I’d have a hard time buying them as hailing from Asgard. Superhero Hype has the yet to be confirmed rumor on who will wield the mighty Mjolnir

Kevin McKidd, who currently stars on “Grey’s Anatomy,” told IGN that he’s still a contender for the lead role in Marvel Studios’ Thor. The actor, most known for “Journeyman” and “Rome,” says there’s been “a lot of back and forth” but that nothing has been determined. He acknowledged that Kenneth Branagh is directing it, a choice that makes him even more excited about the film.

Marvel Studios is targeting a July 16, 2010 release for Thor.

Robert Downey Jr.  speaking to MTV about the upcoming Avengers movie:

“If we don’t get it right it’s really, really going to suck,” said Downey. “It has to be the crowning blow of Marvel’s best and brightest because it’s the hardest thing to get right. It’s tough to spin all the plates for one of these characters.”

“I think its important that I do what I’m supposed to do which is keep my side of the street clean,” said Downey. “The danger you run with colliding all these worlds is [director] Jon [Favreau] was very certain that ‘Iron Man’ should be set in a very realistic world. Nothing that happened in ‘Iron Man’ is really outside the realm of possibility. Once you start talking about Valhalla and supersized super soldiers and jolly green giants it warrants much further discussion.”

I love the fact that RDJ is a nerd.  I love the fact that he seems to really care about the production.  I ALSO love the fact RDJ seemingly outted the Hulk being involved in the film.  That’s really the only thing that could make an Avengers movie even cooler.  If they were taking on Mama Banner’s baby boy.  Being a nerd seems to be getting better and better.  2011 might be the year of the guy that spent time in his locker.  I love it.

Black Film by way of Super Hero Hype has a ton of new clips and interviews from the upcoming Marvel release Punisher: Warzone.  This thing looks pretty fricken great.  Ton’s of shooting and violence, easy on the plot and backstory.  I like it.  Hell, I love it. I have clue who Ray Stevenson is, but he looks mad and he seems to have alot of guns.  Can’t ask much more for a Frank Castle.  If you have been under a rock,  Read this fucking plot synopsis from S.H.H.  Then click the link below or above to watch said video clips.  They are worth your time:

In the film, ruthless vigilante-hero Frank Castle wages his one-man war on the world of organized crime and sets his sights on overeager mob boss Billy Russoti. After Russoti is left horribly disfigured by Castle, he sets out for vengeance under his new alias: Jigsaw. With the “Punisher Task Force” hot on his trail and the FBI unable to take Jigsaw in, Frank must stand up to the formidable army that Jigsaw has recruited before more of his evil deeds go unpunished.

You can watch the clips here!

To put it in terms involving its predecessor staring Thomas Jane; I’m hoping this Punny has less saving weird people in an apartment buildling and more Kevin Nash getting bashed over the head with boiling water.  I don’t think that’s asking too much.

Lot’s of cool in a little package.  Definitely worth a click.  The Spirit still looks a little cheesy to me, but paired with Frank Castle and shirtless Statham, it’s a can’t miss formula.

I would love to post the trailer here on The Fukerton, but since Yahoo movies could not suck any more dick, I’ll just give you the link here.  Look, I get it.  The Watchmen look amazing.  No argument here.  The issues I am having is with these fucking nerds falling over themselves saying this is going to be the greatest superhero movie of all time.  Let me resolve this debate right now.  It won’t be.  It’s not better than the Tim Burton Batman movie.  It’s not better than Iron Man.  It might not even be better than the Dark Knight.  What these nerds need to cross their legs over is that NO ONE HAS FUCKING HEARD OF THE WATCHMEN.   Nerds have heard of it.  Oh yeah, I’ll give you that.  Nerds have been savaging themselves over these trailers since the inception of this flick.  Marvel was worried about the Iron Man movie because they didn’t consider him an A-List hero.  That’s IRONMAN we are talking about.

I’m not saying this isn’t going to be a cool movie.  If it lives up to half what the trailer is promising, I’ll see it and buy the DVD.  No question.  All I’m saying is that the nerd money will only go so far.  This movie has to resonate with the general public.   It’s hard to make a superhero movie.  Daredevil, Ghost Rider and Ang Lee’s “Hulk” taught us that.  It’s DAMN hard to make a superhero movie about superheros that no one who watches the NFL has heard of.  Not a sermon, just a thought.  See the trailer by clicking here.

 Hollywood Reporter with the news:

Joe Johnston has inked a deal to direct “First Avenger: Captain America,” Marvel Studios’ take on its classic comic book character. Marvel’s Kevin Feige is producing.  No writers are on board, but the studio, which is hearing pitches, expects to hire shortly.

Johnston first met with Marvel two years ago. When the two parties clicked, general talks turned into Captain America-specific meetings, with much of the project’s current direction resulting from those early conversations.

“This is a guy who designed the vehicles for ‘Star Wars,’ who storyboarded the convoy action sequence for ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark,’ ” Feige said. “From ‘Rocketeer’ to ‘October Sky’ to ‘The Wolfman,’ you can look at pieces of his movies and see how they lead to this one.”

Not sure how to feel about this.  No one rains blows down upon their private area more than I do when watching Star Wars or Indiana Jones.  Does designing props and action sequences really qualify you to direct a movie based on the hero of heroes?  Clearly the action in this flick is important, but I would say the rest is more so.  The reason why Spiderman sucked is everything that wasn’t Spidey webslinging and wall crawling was boring as sin.  I didn’t give a fuck about Mary Jane or whether Peter Parker could pay his rent.

Iron Man and Batman were great because they entire MOVIE was interesting.  Not just the asskicking.  Nothing would make me happier than a Captain America movie that’s nothing but shield slinging and busting some Nazi ass. You and I both know they won’t make that.  I just hope Johnston can keep me awake in between round house punches from those red gauntlets.

Thanks to Sven Lloyd for bringing this to the Fukerton’s attention.  Scorpian spearing some caped homo is a highlight.  As is his kicking of Superman in the chest.  I’m sure the gameplay will suck and the “T for Teen” rating is distressing.  That being said, they already had my 60 dollars to begin with.

These rumors have been erected stiffly for some time now.  Stiff, ridgid, aroused, rumors.  Rumors that would make any self respecting comic nerd throw a pot of hot coffee in his grandmothers face if they were in fact true.  At least that’s what I do when I’m really happy about something.  MTV blows, but they sucked me in with this little number:

Earlier this year, “The Incredible Hulk” director Louis Leterrier got the ball rolling with the coolest comic idea since the pencil, telling MTV News that he thought his green hero would make a perfect villain — a conflicted behemoth out to fight each and every one of Marvel’s greatest in “The Avengers.” “Iron Man” scripters Hawk Ostby and Mark Fergus (who are in talks to potentially write another Marvel franchise) told us recently that they couldn’t agree more, saying they love nothing more than when “good guys have to fight each other.”

“To have all of the Avengers going up against a green goliath?” he teased. “I think that would be very cool to see that on the screen.”

Well okay.  Now we got something here.  The director of the Hulk and Marvel Studios President of Production Kevin Feige have not only offered no denial of the idea, but they both seem excited about it.  Couple that with the presence of S.H.I.E.L.D director Nick Fury in Iron Man and Tony Stark showing up in the Hulk and I think we have something here.  If the World Breaker isn’t going to take on earth’s mightiest heroes, what is Captain America’s  shield doing in the Hulk movie? 

There is too much evidence here.  I’m already getting preparing for an official announcement.  I’ve jammed a copy of Iron Man up my ass and will not remove it until someone brings me the body of Edward Norton.  He needs to shut his trap and stay the fuck out this whole thing.  He tried to ruin The Incredible Hulk flick, he better not ruin this.   They don’t even need his trifling ass for this movie.  Spit in his eye and bring back stiff ass Eric bana, I don’t give a shit.  Give me Cap on one side, Green Skar on the other with the mangled bodies of the Avengers in between in a final show down.  Give me that and I’ll show you a blogger that can write a how to manual for auto erotic asphyxiation.