Lebron James wouldn’t know sportsmanship if it bough his mom an H2.  What a fucking toolbox. Lebron James is the same guy that won’t shake hands after he loses, but the second he goes up 7 points on a team at home, he starts dancing around like an idiot. He did it to the Wizards earlier this season in Ohio. He certainly wasn’t doing much dancing during their second meeting in DC. Washington did the Shaqless Cavs the second time around by 17.

Joakim Noah is a strange dude, but I am way in his camp for this one. Looks to me that he had just had enough of Lebron’s horseshit and told “King James” what he thought of him. No Lebron, we’re not going to retire number 23 because you think we should. No Lebron, saying you are going to be in the Slam Dunk contest this year does not mean you are 50/50. No Lebron, you can’t dominate the NFL with your jerky, musk ox style approach to athletics. No Lebron, you will not be the worlds first sports billionaire. Yes Lebron, you have won as many NBA Championships as my Springfield Globetrotters of the SYC did back when ol’ Thad was crossing fools over. What a joke this dude is.

The most frustrating aspect of this video is what HONKS the announcing crew is for James. They reluctantly said Lebron should not have left the foul line, then turn all criticism towards Noah. I guess this is what it takes for King James to actually get T-ed up in a game. Fuck this “World Ambassador” and the horse he road in on. I hope he goes to New Jersey next season and breaks the record this year’s Nets just set.

Source: Deadspin

Was checking out The Big Lead this morning when I spied with my little eye one of the best NBA videos in quite some time. What makes this particular series of events stand out are threefold:

1) Lebron James is an asshole. His game is is jerky and physical and not pleasant to watch. I’ll explain the “King James” scoring mechanism to you. Crab dribble into the lane. Crash your massive body into someone and throw up an awkward layup. Get the foul. Repeat. Also, travel all the time, never get called on it and bitch moan to the refs for 60 minutes. The first part of the mechanism I just described was being attempted by James at the beginning of the video.

2) Lebron is usually rewarded for his horses assery by receiving a massive amount of support from the NBA officials. In this case, they swallowed their whistles, Lebron was out of the play, and he was rewarded by a massive dunk courtesy of Dwayne Wade. Poetic. Like when Kramer soiled the very slacks he set out to return.

3) Anderson Varejao. He’s a massive douche. That is all.

We got a chance to catch up with D-Fish to talk with him about a number things. To be honest, we think it’s one of the best interviews to take place on the Fukerton. With everything Derek has been through both on and off the court, it made for an amazing and telling conversation. It was a real pleasure and hope the interview is as enjoyable to listen to as it was to conduct.

Click HERE to download.

To all of you rubes that think that the Jack Links beef jerky commercials are funny: they are not. This one is. Well done Curtis and Steve. Enjoy.

I wish I was more talented so I could make things like this. Thanks to Drab Vendrell for the heads up on this vid. We are late to the party. DJ Steve Porter FTW.

Who is more qualified to make Jews feel better about all the attention denied Hanukkah this time of year? How about awkward NBA players, a washed up actor and a whore? This video is as entertaining as it is uncomfortable. Happy Holidays.

…Brendon Haywood is likely out for the season.  I have never seen an NBA team jinxed like this.  Quite frankly, I know not what to say.  If it’s not Gil, or Antwain or Butler, or Etan Thomas it’s this shit.  Is there a more cursed NBA franchise than this one we have here in the Washington D.C area?  These Wizards are not capable of making it through the PRESEASON at this point without being plagued by injury after injury. CBSsportsline.com with the predictable news:

WASHINGTON — Wizards starting center Brendan Haywood could miss the entire season while recovering from surgery Thursday to repair a torn ligament in his right wrist. 

He had the operation in New York and will spend 2½ months in a cast before starting rehabilitation. The team said Haywood will be out four to six months.  Washington’s last regular-season game is six months away: April 15 against the defending NBA champion Boston Celtics.

Haywood was hurt Oct. 2 during training camp, and the Wizards wouldn’t say until Thursday how long they expected him to be sidelined. He averaged career highs of 10.6 points and 7.2 rebounds in 2007-08, helping the Wizards reach the playoffs for the fourth consecutive season.  With Haywood out, the Wizards probably will rely on a mix of players in the middle, including veteran center Etan Thomas, fourth-year player Andray Blatche and first-round draft choice JaVale McGee.

Abe Pollin should be getting checks from the Pistons.  We provided their world champion roster.  Ben Wallace, Rasheed Wallace and Rip Hamilton all came though D.C, friendos.  We trade away great players for the likes of Mitch Richmond, Rod Strickland and Jerry Stackhouse.  We took the coolest nickname in the league and made the team name into a laughing stock.  Don’t get me started on the jerseys.  The Wizards had a real chance this offseason to make a change.  To part company with a group of guys that can’t get it done; that have proven they don’t have the stomach for winning. 

The Wizards could have built around Nick Young and Andray Blatche.  They chose to continue down the same path of mediocrity that they always do.  Let’s just give the team to Ted Leonsis.  That’s what is going to happen anyway right?  Does anyone think he’s not doing right by the Washington hockey team?  Be it the franchise, the owner, the uniforms or the city, something is wrong with our basketball team.  If the stench of Wizards is great enough to contaminate even Michael Jordan, maybe it’s time for some fucking Febreze or a Glade Plug In at the Verizon Center.

 Barstoolsports.com has funny pictures.  Like this one of Steve Nash and Baron Davis riding around on a tandem bike, dressed like Carlton from the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.  I wonder what could have brought this one?  Peyote and butt sex is the first guess I have, but I could be wrong.  It could just be two grown men that are so mad an Elton Brand and Shaquille O’neil that they snapped and just HAD to go tandem biking. 

I do that sometimes, but it’s with my friend Drab T Shirt, and we ride an Ostrich bareback.  We’re bareback.  The Ostrich has a saddle.  WIth Tassels.  And Rhinestones. And it’s not an Ostrich it’s another man.   Yep, just two groups of pals, blowing off steam.

I guess it’s not just a name for a lame Thursday night WCW show anymore.  The relocated Supersonics have found a name for themselves in Sooner country and it’s a slam bang winner! If you are wondering what it is Look no further!

OKLAHOMA CITY (TICKER) —Oklahoma City’s new NBA franchise has nicknamed itself the Thunder, according to a report Saturday on the web site of the city’s ABC affiliate.

Citing a source close to team ownership, KOCO-TV reported that the “registrar for all of the NBA’s Internet domain names were reserved okcthunderbasketball.com and okcthunderbasketball.net on July 10,” suggesting that the franchise formerly known as the Sonics will soon be renamed.

Wow, the Thunder!  Naming a basketball team after a Garth Brooks song.  I remeber that song, and it goes a little something like this: 

“The sound chad’s balls make when he’s having sex

of that you may have wondered

Because they’re so damn big and round

It mostly sounds like Thunder”

Damn good song.  I’m not sure why my balls have only been a muse for Garth Brooks.   I feel like my balls could inspire any of todays modern musician.  Metallica had that Seek and Destroy song about my trip to the male clinic, but that’s an unrelated matter.

Yahoo Sports with the scoop.  After his terrible team bends over backwards for him, this is the shit EB is trying to pull:

In a dramatic ending to a whirlwind courtship, Elton Brand is on the brink of spurning the Los Angeles Clippers and signing a five-year, $80 million contract with the Philadelphia 76ers, a source familiar with the negotiations said.

Brand can’t officially sign with 76ers until 12:01 EST on Wednesday, but Sixers officials are privately telling peers around that league that Brand has convinced them he’s coming to play in Philadelphia.

Way to go, dick.  The clips sign Barron Davis and you bolt to the boring 76ers.  We have quite a stand up guy here.  Carlos Boozer is on the other line, he thinks you backdoored your team.  The good news here is if you are a Wizards fan, you have another reason to hate your team.  You offered a shot jacking, injury plagued loud mouth 100mil, and AI2, Brand and the 6ers are gonna be kicking your ass up and down the court next year, just like the Cavs always do.  Go Mystics.