To start with, I have Indy over Whale’s Vagina.  I like the Eagles to keep rolling over Minny and the AFC champs to stop the flying rats.  Those games could go any place, really.  I think the Dolphins may be the best story in the League for the past 10 years and what the Colts have done after the start they had has been miraculous.  I only differ from Mike Ditka on the Chargers game, so I think if I’m close to Da Coach, I’m in the right ballpark.  I’m only prepared to offer one lock and it is as follows:

Atlanta Falcons vs Arizona Cardinals

I have ties to both teams.  I love Atlanta and I adore Phoenix.  I have been to see both teams in person and watched them mature this season. I could not be more happy for each franchise.  The Cardinals have played as many home playoff games as I have in the past 50 years and the Falcons are in the middle of a race war.   I can honestly say I will be happy for either group if they come out on top, but I am picking the Falcons.  I’ll usually pick a veteran over a rookie, but Matt Ryan is an alien.  I don’t know how he is playing this well, but I do know that Kurt Warner likes to throw interceptions in big games.  I also know that  the “I have no legs” guy from that movie Kids tackles better that the Cards D.  It’s not a legless guy on a skateboard they will be be trying to take down this week, it’s the NFL’s MVP (IMO): Michael Turner . Couple that with Turner’s backup that could start on 50 % of the teams in the NFL:  Jerious Norwood.  

Even without Ryan and his scintillating chemisty with Roddy White, the Cards don’t have the balls to stop the ruthless ground attack that the Falcons possess.  Arizona is in a good spot because they are still vastly ahead of the Rams and Seahawks so they have a chance at the NFC  West crown for years to come. The people in the Valley of the Sun deserve a home playoff win, I just don’t think they are going to get it this year.

I love football. I love action figures. I love robots. How the hell did I miss something as cool this guy? I’m not sure when they made an action figure for the Fox Sports Robot that dances around when Fox transitions from commercials back to the game. I’m also not sure when the named him “Cletus.” Somehow my girlfriend knew the things name already when I showed her the picture, furthing my embarassment. Now that I am aware of the robot’s existence in 3″ and 10″ form, what’s not to like?

Cletus likes football and so do you. Cletus looks way too amiable to ever try and hunt down the mother or friends of John Conner and slaughter them before they can lead the human resistance.  I don’t think Cletus would ever turn his arm into a stabbing weapon so he could stab your foster father in the mouth as he was drinking milk out of the carton.  Cletus doesn’t look capable of barging into a gun shop back in the 80’s and demanding an Uzi 9mm then plucking his own eye out in a seedy hotel bathroom.  I think I’m right about Cletus.   But I’ve been wrong before.  Details on potentially homicidal robot are as follows via MCW Toys:

But the really impressive guy here is the 10″er.  There’s wonderful work on the various mech parts, like the fingers, hoses, and connectors, giving him a much more realistic appearance than I had expected.

The sculpt and articulation work together amazingly well, and the hands are designed to look good in as many poses as possible with the unjointed fingers.

It’s important to note that this guy is solid, and not rotocast in any way.  Don’t throw this guy at anyone you don’t want to hurt.  He’s solid enough to handle plenty of actual play, and there are no parts of the sculpt that would be easy to break or damage.

A quick search on Fox Sports’ website reveals that this fuck face was availible over a year ago. It also means we here at The Fukerton are slipping up in our old age. If you’d like to see for yourself click Here.

From the “whhaaaaaaaaaaa?” files.   ESPN.com with the outlandish claims:

It’s a possibility, hinging on whether Miami Dolphins owner Wayne Huizenga’s sale of his majority ownership of the team goes through, sources told ESPN senior NFL analyst Chris Mortensen. When Parcells joined the Dolphins as executive vice president of football operations last year, his deal included a onetime out clause that would allow him to walk away, with the rest of his $12 million guaranteed contract fully paid, no strings attached, if Huizenga were to sell the team.

Earlier this year, Huizenga agreed to sell 95 percent of the Dolphins to New York developer and team part-owner Stephen Ross. Huizenga hopes to close on the deal by early January to ensure that the capital gains taxes on the sale remain at 15 percent before President-elect Barack Obama takes the oath of office Jan. 20, Mortensen reported.

Parcells’ contract specifically states only Huizenga can be in authority over him. Once Ross officially becomes majority owner, Parcells has to notify Ross within 30 days that he intends to exercise his walk-away clause and collect the full balance of $9 million, Mortensen reported.

At that time, Parcells would be a free agent. And any team that wants his services would not owe compensation to the Dolphins, according to the report.

Among the teams sources say are on Parcells’ radar are the New York Jets, Detroit Lions, Cleveland Browns and the Oakland Raiders. However, if Parcells’ son-in-law, New England Patriots vice president Scott Pioli, is interested in any of those jobs, Parcells is unlikely to wind up with that team, Mortensen reported.

…and it wasn’t Kimbo Slice nailing my girlfriend.  While I would love to sit in the corner and watch that, I would most likely be pissed afterwards.  Is that strange?  Best if you don’t answer the previous question.  Point being it is rare you stumble across something that can make you feel good and shitty at the same time.  The picture above is one of those things.  The dog in the picture is one of the dogs rescued from that fuck Mike Vick’s dog fighting house.  If you click here, you can see SI’s series of photos with ten of the dogs that were spared the rape stand in Vick’s house of horrors that he is now in jail for running.  While I am elated to see how well these animals are doing, I am saddened with the knowledge of how many must not have been as lucky.

I don’t like to get very serious on this blog.  I’m just a baffoon that got someone that has a skill to build him a website.  I find myself still disgusted by this ordeal.  Mostly because we are now inundated with stories of Vick’s expected return to the NFL.  This fucking asshole ran a buisness that dealt in death and torture of dogs.  These pictures show us the dogs that would almost certainly be dead if they had stayed in their former predicatment.   I am so fucking fed up with this guy and everyone that ever defended his inhumane ass.  Mostly I question the treatment of Vick’s crimes from the African American community.  I’m not saying all, but I can’t count how many black men I heard defend Vick because of where he was brought up.  It’s cowardly and close minded.  There are places in the world where culture permits female circumcision .  Should we respect that atrocity because we didn’t grow up in their environment and can’t relate??  No, its fucking terrible and so is this.  Don’t tell me its a dog so it’s not the same.  If anything it’s worse because a dog doesn’t know any better.  A dog can’t say “This is bullshit, I’m out.”  A person can.

If you pit one animal against another and inject them with steroids and shock them and drown them if they lose you are a fucking asshole and should be beaten with a sock full of wood screws.  If you defend someone that does this shit, you really need to take a look in the mirror and decide if this is the activity you really want to stick up for in the name of people that have the same color skin as you.  Certainly there are more pressing issues that require your attention.

I was thinking to myself as I was watching the horrible, meaningless, limpdick win over the Eagles: “Self, I think I’ve seen some of this type of thing before.”  I made a quick list, and feel free to add your own if you feel the inspiration.

How many times have you seen Antwain Randle El dance back and forth after fielding a punt only to throw himself on the ground for no gain?

How many times has the Redskins Defense had to go right back onto the field because the offense goes three and out?

How many times have you seen Jason Campbell throw a 3 yard pass on 3rd and 9?

How many times have you seen Clinton Portis wallow on the field in the pain after a one yard gain only to be out there the next series?

How many times has Jim Zorn hitched his tight khakis up to nipple level and gesture awkwardly after a costly fumble?

How many times has Greg Blatche looked like old Mother Hubbard on the sidelines?

How many times could you and 10 of your friends score more points that the Redskins offense any given Sunday?

How many times has Jim Zorn not worn a hat on a frigid day so his blocky haircut would not be messed up?

How many times has Chris Cooley earned a probowl invite he did not deserve?

How many times have the Redskins lost to one of the worst teams in organized sport?

How many times has Jason Campbell shown any emotion after he has fumbled, thrown an interception, gone three and out, won a game, killed a leviathan or slaughtered a village full of Burmese?

How many times have color commentators called Jason Campbell unflappable when he just looks autistic walking off the field?

How many times has the Redskins defense worn down in the fourth quarter because they have spent more time on the field than either goal post?

How many times have the rednecky, white trash Terps fans that show up at Skins games made all of Washington look bad when they yell “Hey you suck” when Rock and Roll Part 2 is played?

How many times have I put up with Dan Snyder and Vinnie Cerratto’s bullshit and when will it finally be enough to make me become a Falcons fan?

A first, third and sixth round pick for a loud mouth, malcontent, wide out…..WHEN YOU ALREADY HAVE ONE?  A pussy QB that is out for 2 to 4 weeks for an injury that Steve Deberg played with.  Their big play rookie running back is out for weeks on end as well.  And the the least surprising news of the day, the fucking criminal punt returner fucks up and gets suspended like we all knew he would.  So now what do you have?  A team that’s in third place, that just lost to the ARIZONA CARDINALS and has a 40 year old quarterback and a defense like swiss cheese.

You reap what you sew, jack.  You bring in douchebags and locker room cancers because they run a good 40 time, don’t be shocked when it bites you in the ass.  Terrell Owens looks great with his shirt off, to be certain.  Let’s see how he reacts to the aquisition of Roy Williams.  Let’s see how Marion Barber does with no Julius Jones and Felix Jones.  Let’s see how an immobile Brad Johnson fairs behind a line that got a nimble Tony Romo knocked out of action.   Injuries can happen to anyone, that is really nothing that can be prevented.  What can be prevented are huge distractions mucking up your locker room by signing problimatic players.

I saw Roy Williams play the Falcons when I went down to Atlanta.  He wouldn’t even huddle up with his teammates.  On the sidelines, he jawed with the fans the entire game.   I think he’s talented and he isn’t the dick TO is, but he is an issue in the locker room, and the Cowboys already have plenty of those.  Did you see all those picks they gave up for Williams?  Snyder-like of them.    It’s funny because they are bare bones in the secondary now, and missed on Shaun Alexander after the Jones injury, so the deal itself was not made out of necessity.  So why was it made?

The Pac Man Jones deal is laughable.  Did anyone NOT see this coming from this asshole?  I hope TNA is still looking for wrestlers, because unless the Toronto Argonauts need a kick returner, he’s shit out of luck.  I don’t think the raiders would even touch this guy.  All of this nonsense gives ESPN an excuse to cover this shit team 24/7.  I’m sure that makes them happier than a pig in shit.  At least now they actually have something to talk about.  I guess the ones suffering the most are the Cowboys fans.  Don’t worry, bandwagoning mexicans.  Nothing to be concerned about, fairweather Marylanders. Rest easy, front runners from Mesa.  There are plenty of teams that haven’t won a playoff game in over a decade and can’t beat the Redskins at home.  I think the Lions have some season tickets availible.  Why don’t you try them?  Maybe you can be GM.

Adam Shefter is reporting that the Redskins are bringing in old ass Shaun Alexander because Ladell Betts has a hangnail.  The only reason the Skins should sign this relic is because Dan Synder is about to blow his stack with the lack of free agency aquisitions in the offseason.  League minimum or bust for this washed up Bama product.

Former NFL MVP Shaun Alexander will visit the Washington Redskins on Tuesday and undergo a physical with the team. If all goes according to plan, Alexander could be a Redskin by the end of Tuesday. The Redskins are seeking another back with Ladell Betts nursing a knee injury. Alexander had drawn interest from the Bengals and Saints, but neither had opted to sign him. Now the Redskins could. Tuesday could be Alexander’s day.

The only way this doesn’t suck balls is if the Redskins give Alexander for a low price and make the playoffs.  If Betts is nicked and Portis is getting the MVP like workload he seems to be getting, having a former Madden coverboy might not be a terrible idea.  As a fan, I can see through this bullshit though, to the heart of the matter.  Snyder will never change his spots.  He proved it this offseason by ignoring the D-line in the draft, and bringing in a big name with nothing left in the tank.  Dan Snyder is the worst owner and sports and doesn’t mind exposing our loyalty as fans financially to subsidize his terrible transactions.  Fuck him.  Hail to the Redskins.

There are no words. Please watch this and make sure you a few minutes to compose yourself afterwards. Enjoy.

Fucking Nike, man. They make their shoes in sweatshops, but damned if they don’t make a great commercial.  First there was this one with Shawn Merriman and Stephen Jackson directed by Michael Mann (Heat, Miami Vice, this stirring in my pants).  Guess who directed this new Nike commerical with LaDainian Tomlinson and Troy Palomalu?  None other than David Fincher.  Heard of him?  You fucking should have.  He directed Se7en, Fight Club, The Game, Alien 3 and Zodiac.  Cock of the Walk, that guy is. 

I have watched this commercial 25 times, nearly cried once.  I wept openly the other 24 times.

…Manly Men still rule the word.  NFL Sunday night football is the most valuable show on TV and beats out pansyrific Grey’s Anatomy.  You know that show.  It’s the show where characters have nicknames like “McDreamy” and “McSteamy.”  I’d like to take a McUzi and stick it in my fucking mouth just hearing chicks talk about that fucking show.  Well they can yenter way to their hearts content, because the NFL is the king fucking snake ’round these parts, and by these parts I mean Los Estados Unidos.  Peep thusly:

NBC’s “Sunday Night Football” has muscled its way past ABC’s “Grey’s Anatomy” to become the most expensive fall program for advertisers on network TV in the 2008-2009 season. The NBC sports program commands an average cost of $434,792 for a 30-second commercial, compared with “Grey’s,” which this season brings in $326,685 for the same, according to an Advertising Age survey of media-buying firms.

I think the reason that the show has taken off is that they don’t let Pink sing that terrible theme song anymore.  I have seen perkier teets on a fatted calf.  Terrible theme song aside, Football Night in America beat out shows like CSI, Desperate Housewifes and Two and a Half Men.  In an age where I think half the men in this country are becoming mascara wearing, chick jeans wearing, VH1 watching pussies, it’s nice to know football is still king.  All you “Hills” fans and “Bones” fans and “John and Kate Plus 8″ fans wise up.  Men in pads smashing into men in helmets is still the biggest ticket in the USA, and that’s the way it should be.

Source: adage.com