Madden nerds drive me insane.  Not only are they nerdier than any WOW player, but they look down their nose at regular gamers that enjoy shooters RPG’s, hack and slashes, ETC.  I love football and I love video games.  Why does EA make it so hard for me to enjoy playing a video game ABOUT football?   This looks like a step in the right direction.  By the right direction, I mean the NFL Blitz direction.  Kotaku has some good news for those of us that don’t want to control the lead block in our football games:

Today EA announces Madden NFL Arcade, a downloadable, pick-up-and-play, 5-on-5 football game for those of us who get dizzy looking at all of those X’s and O’s.

I’m one of those Madden players who picks up the game every year, beats the pants off of the AI in easy mode a few times, gets his ass kicked online once or twice, and then trades the game back in. I enjoy the game, but when it comes right down to it the whole thing is a bit too deep for me. Perhaps Madden NFL Arcade for Xbox Live Arcade and the PlayStation Network is the answer.

There are no penalties and no field goals in Madden NFL Arcade. Just four downs to make it 60 yards to your goal, with the first team to score 30 points winning. Games can be tailored to your liking, tweaking skill level and points-to-win, and during play you can use any of 13 “Game Changers” to break the field wide open. It almost sounds like NFL Street, doesn’t it?

“When you look around the office and see your whole team playing and having tons of fun with it, you know the game hit the right mark,” said marketing director Nathan Stewart. “We have diehard Madden fans who have worked on the franchise for a decade, and more casual gamers who are all playing together and enjoying it. If our productivity the past few weeks is any indication, we’ve created a game that everyone will love.”

Madden NFL Arcade will be available on the PlayStation Network and Xbox Live Arcade in December for $14.99 and 1200 Microsoft points respectively.

This is more my speed.  I always liked NFL Street.  It was a fun, over the top NFL game that wasn’t the Tom Clancy version of football that Madden has degraded into.  Quarterback vision?  Kiss my ass.  I just want to play the game and have a good time in between sundays where I can watch the real thing.  I know I can run the Redskins offense better than Jim Zorn.  GT: chaddukes

I wish I was more talented so I could make things like this. Thanks to Drab Vendrell for the heads up on this vid. We are late to the party. DJ Steve Porter FTW.

I guess this scene was cut out of Basterds. Not sure why. It seems that DC area radio and football was very important in Nazi occupied France during World War 2. Luckily we here at the Fukerton are the lint trap of the Hollywood industry. Enjoy.

Our friend Russell was nice enough to put my appearance on News Channel 8 up on youtube. The focus is Lavar, as I’m sure you can understand, but I thought it went well. Glenn Harris is a god dude and I have watched his show several times so it was a thrill to be a guest. I don’t look thin, but I hope you will have a gander anyway.

Mike Vick Lookin Boys…

After two years of federal prison, millions on top of millions lost, and a reputation forever scarred in the eyes of many, Michael Vick is officially on his road to redemption leading to a return to the NFL…and the media seems to be doing all they can to help him get there. Whether you disagree with his return to the league, or not, the story on ESPN and other media outlets is no longer about whether he deserves to be back, but how good he will be when he is back.

As long as Vick sees a football field again, the media wins. They’ve seen what happens in these fall from grace-return to prominence situations with athletes like Kobe Bryant and Ray Lewis. Americans eats this shit up every time. He’ll easily be the most watched player of the ‘09 season, NFL or UFL, equipped with his own Pedro Gomez or Sal Paolantonio everywhere he goes. If he does get another shot at the NFL and is just a solid contributor on a decent team, he’ll more than likely be a top 3 jersey seller and once again be among the most popular athletes on the planet.

If he fucks it all up, then the freak-show begins. We’ll see Mike Vick reality shows, awkward interviews, low-rent movie cameos, and rogue porn videos with 19 year old white chicks featuring Ron Mexico.(The latter of which I’m rooting for the most.) His true character will come out and we’ll enjoy watching the train wreck just as much if not more than if he became a successful member of society.

The thing is, I don’t think ESPN gives a shit about how cruel the nature of his crime was, whether the dude has actually changed for the better, or if the story ends up a comedy or tragedy. They also aren’t the ones that are going to have to worry about PETA and animal lovers around the country camping out in protest once the dude gets signed. All they have to do is bring a camera and an overrated reporter and watch as the circus act of all circus acts begins all over again.

Editors note:  This was written by Mike Bracken’s ex-wife.  All opinions expressed within are his and not necessarily that of the Fukerton.

Mike Florio from Pro Football Talk has been all over this story and I admit, my interest is starting to peak. The United Football League is billing itself as “…Where The Future Star’s Come to Play!” The concept is strong. Play some football games during the football season when America’s appetite for the game is insaciable. There are only 6 games and 4 teams so the talent will not be completely diluted, and it seems they have the right idea with not trying to take on the NFL directly. The aspect of this League that I think is most interesting is the list of NFL and big time college coaches that are being drawn to the UFL. Profootballtalk has the rundown:

The league also has named San Francisco coach Dennis Green to be the chair of the UFL’s Competition Committee, pointing out that he once held that same role in the NFL.  Here are a few key points regarding Tuesday’s developments. First, the UFL points out that 85 percent of assistant coaches have worked in the NFL as a player or a coach. 

Second, former AFL coach and NFL assistant Jay Gruden, the brother of Jon Gruden, will serve as offensive coordinator of the franchise headquartered in Orlando.

Third, despite prior media reports that former Stanford, Notre Dame, and Washington coach Ty Willingham will be working for Dennis Green in San Francisco, Willingham’s name does not appear in the release.  (He might eventually be named — Green’s team has not identified a special teams coordinator, a quarterbacks coach, a receivers coach, or a defensive line coach.)

Fourth, we sort of expected former Colts offensive line coach Howard Mudd or former Colts offensive coordinator Tom Moore to do a year with the UFL, if for no reason other than to stick it to the NFL.  Neither man has resurfaced with the new league.  Yet.

The Las Vegas franchise will employ the following coaches under Jim Fassel:  Isaac Carter, defensive backs; Donald Eck, offensive line; Sam Garnes, defensive assistant; Larry Mac Duff, defensive coordinator/special teams; Charles Shelton, director of football operations/running backs; Eric Van Heusen, special teams/tight ends; Michael Wilson, wide receivers; Kevin Wolthausen, defensive line.

The following coaches will work for the New York team under Ted Cottrell:  Donald Blackmon, defensive coordinator; Derrick Burroughs, administrative assistant/defensive assistant; Earle Mosley, running backs; John Tice, offensive line; Pete Rodriguez, special teams.

The Orlando team led by Jim Haslett will have the following men on his staff:  Bill Bradley, secondary; Chuck Bresnahan, linebackers; Jay Gruden, offensive coordinator; Carl Hairston, defensive line; Bill Laveroni, offensive line; Sean McVay, quality control/wide receivers; Ricky Porter, director of football operations/running backs; Al Roberts, special teams/tight ends.

The San Fran team will include the following assistants to Dennis Green:  Martin Bayless, defensive backs; Trent Bray, linebackers/quality control; Charles Collins, receivers/tight ends; Robert Griffith, defensive assistant; Art Kehoe, offensive line; Mike Kruczek, offensive coordinator; Mike McDaniel, running backs/quality control; Sid Pillai, director of football operations; Brian Stewart, defensive coordinator.

These are coaches that have had success at the highest level of competition in American football.  Granted there are good reasons they were availible, but I still think it’s a great sign of things to come.  The XFL and USFL failed because they wanted to take on the NFL.  The UFL seems to be aiming to work WITH the NFL in a similar manner to what the AFL was doing until this past year.  As an admitted football junkie, I say as long as the quality of play is not abysmal, I am looking forward to another fix for my addiction come autum.

Because your trip to the Super Bowl is secured! Clearly there were some issues at quarterback last year for one of the preseason favorites in the NFC. NO MORE! Read and be relieved, true believer! ESPN.com has your salvation printed in black and white!

The Texans and Vikings are close to a trade that would send quarterback Sage Rosenfels to Minnesota, possibly for a fourth-round draft pick, the Houston Chronicle reported Monday.  The Texans can’t officially trade QB Sage Rosenfels to the Vikings until the new league year opens at the end of this week, but Kevin Seifert has some initial thoughts on the deal.

This is the second consecutive year in which the Vikings have been interested in acquiring Rosenfels, who is near the end of his contract, to be their starting quarterback.

Rosenfels wanted to be traded to the Vikings last season in hopes of starting for a team that has Adrian Peterson and Chester Taylor at running back and has led the NFL in run defense for two straight years. At the time, the Vikings reportedly offered a third-round draft choice, but the Texans wanted a second-round pick. Both teams denied an offer was made.

Minnesota already has quarterbacks Gus Frerotte and Tarvaris Jackson on its roster and will want to extend Rosenfels’ contract if the trade is completed. The Texans had no comment Monday on the report.

Teams in the NFL are so fucking weird.  Certain teams just don’t address certain positions the correct way.  Seattle and Philly are always boned at wideout somehow.  The Redskins won’t draft defensive lineman.  The Vikings never have a good QB.  Never.  They can’t draft em and they can’t sign em.  For whatever the reason.  Rosenfels is a fine player.  He spent some time here in DC.  The issue is, the one position you shouldnt screw around with is the guy at the helm.  Whomever your Steaming Willie Beaming is going to be. 

Matt Cassell is out there.  If you want a vetran because you think you can win now,  Jeff Garcia has playoff experience.  Matt Stafford looks to be next years Matt Ryan.  Don’t try and go cheap and bring in a guy with one  or two half assed good seasons and think that will be enough.  All Day is an amazing back, but with his running style his window is not open for long.  They need to stop dicking around and make this happen, because once that guy is gone they’ll be back to playing swords with the Lions in the basement of the NFC Norse.

My words, but some one else’s sentiment it seems. Newsday puts into words what common sense would tell you about this nearly 34 year old linebacker.  I’m not reaching here, Raven’s fans.  In an article titled “Lewis wouldn’t likely justify the cost to Jets” News day explains why this aging backer might not be worth the boatload of cash it would likely take the Jets to sign him.:

But he alone cannot be expected to transform the Jets’ underachieving defense. They already have a quality inside presence in David Harris, who might not be in Lewis’ class just yet but is a rising young player. What this team needs is a better pass rush.

Salary is another problem. The Jets are limited in terms of salary-cap space, and Brett Favre’s situation only complicates matters. The Jets will give him some more time to ponder whether he wants to play; in the meantime, his $13- million salary for 2009 still counts against the salary cap.

Lewis said he’d want Favre to be on the team this season, but if both players were to be on the roster, the Jets would be unable to maintain their salary-cap numbers without releasing other players.

I will preface what I say next by disclosing that I do not care for the Ravens and find their fans infinitely annoying.  That being said, I will admit that that team usually does a good job of making player personal decisions.  Letting Ray Lewis test the market will be a great way for them to drive down his value without costing Baltimore a dime.  Look, I’m not saying Ray Lewis was not a great player.  He’s most likely a Hall of Famer.  He is still a good linebacker.  He just is not the player he once was and to say otherwise is the talk of the blind homer.

It was pointed out to me during the first Ravens/Steelers match up of this past season that Lewis looks to have become a “pile jumper.”  Someone that jumps on a pile of players already engaging.  The goal being to pad ones stats with unearned tackles.  At first this just seemed like the talk of bitter Pittsburgh fan, but upon closer inspection the accusations had merit.  Amidst all the sideline chants, the screaming and yelling, the dancing before the game, the celebrating a routine tackle like a championship had been one, Ray Lewis had become a pile jumper.  Time and time again I watched Bart Scott or Ed Reed or Terrell Suggs wrap up an opposing teams player, only to have a seemingly now chubby Lewis descend atop the pile to claim his half tackle.  Dozens of times I personally witnessed this.

Ray Lewis was a great linebacker, and is still a good one.  The point is that the argument between bring back Brett Favre or bring in Lewis is laughable.  Brett Favre is older now.  He is a waffler and he makes some poor choices, but what he can do is throw the ball through a chunk of iron.  He can still make all the throws and move around in the pocket at a high level.  Can Ray Lewis say the same at his position?  I think he’s going to declare to become a free agent, and quickly see that the market for a 34 year old linebacker demanding 8 to 10 million dollars is not as booming as one would think.  The Jets should be the first ones in line to make that clear to Ray.  I expect to see him back in that awful purple uniform next season.

Look at this jerk off.  Look, I’m loyal to my team.  I have even considered getting a redneck Redskins tat at one point in my life or another.  This is so much dumber than anything of that nature it’s laughable.  This Lions fan got a tattoo to commemorate Detroit’s abominable winless season they just embarrassed the NFL with.  This would be like getting ink in honor of contracting herpes or OD-ing on meth.  Being proud of failure is something I thought reserved to Cowboys fans for the past 15 years or so.  Why anyone would do something like this is beyond me.  Of course, he’s got 13 kids, lives in Detroit and his wife looks like Wayne Knight.  I guess a bad tat is the least of his problems.

To start with, I have Indy over Whale’s Vagina.  I like the Eagles to keep rolling over Minny and the AFC champs to stop the flying rats.  Those games could go any place, really.  I think the Dolphins may be the best story in the League for the past 10 years and what the Colts have done after the start they had has been miraculous.  I only differ from Mike Ditka on the Chargers game, so I think if I’m close to Da Coach, I’m in the right ballpark.  I’m only prepared to offer one lock and it is as follows:

Atlanta Falcons vs Arizona Cardinals

I have ties to both teams.  I love Atlanta and I adore Phoenix.  I have been to see both teams in person and watched them mature this season. I could not be more happy for each franchise.  The Cardinals have played as many home playoff games as I have in the past 50 years and the Falcons are in the middle of a race war.   I can honestly say I will be happy for either group if they come out on top, but I am picking the Falcons.  I’ll usually pick a veteran over a rookie, but Matt Ryan is an alien.  I don’t know how he is playing this well, but I do know that Kurt Warner likes to throw interceptions in big games.  I also know that  the “I have no legs” guy from that movie Kids tackles better that the Cards D.  It’s not a legless guy on a skateboard they will be be trying to take down this week, it’s the NFL’s MVP (IMO): Michael Turner . Couple that with Turner’s backup that could start on 50 % of the teams in the NFL:  Jerious Norwood.  

Even without Ryan and his scintillating chemisty with Roddy White, the Cards don’t have the balls to stop the ruthless ground attack that the Falcons possess.  Arizona is in a good spot because they are still vastly ahead of the Rams and Seahawks so they have a chance at the NFC  West crown for years to come. The people in the Valley of the Sun deserve a home playoff win, I just don’t think they are going to get it this year.