How the hell have we never heard of this flying ass snake before?  This thing is clearly the MVP of the Snakes.  Brandon Webb and Eric Byrnes received some votes, but this flying snake is a cut above.  Can you imagine how great it would be to find a room full of middle aged women?  Maybe that room has vaulted ceilings where one such as me could perch in the rafters with a giant potato sack.  And maybe inside that sack there were about a dozen of these agile little fellas.  And maybe I would open that sack and fling those snakes into the air, causing those fat yentas to scream and flail and die.  Merry Christmas.

It’s worth watching for the PBP alone.  The Japanese sound amazing when they are excited, that much is certain.  Special thanks to JapaneseBugFights.com by way of Fark.  This is some high brow shit.

The animal kingdom is on FIRE!!  I didn’t start this blog to cover the various squabbles that our four and six legged friends are having, but how can you not get jacked up for this?  Crocs are the number 3 seed on the animal bad ass scale.  I got sharks and hippos in front of them.  This croc would take umbridge with that statement.  Making Paul Hogan look like a little bitch, this crock massacres a hapless zebra in a river in Kenya. Fox News has the play by play:

The stricken animal appears to make a getaway for the shore, but doesn’t stand a chance as two more hungry crocodiles lurk menacingly in front of it as well. In the end the zebra was taken down by all three predators, who enjoyed their catch on the shore of the river.

This zebra is France and the croc is every other country in Europe.  This zebra is the South Africans and the croc is Murtog and Riggs.  The zebra is Motaro and the Croc is Lui Kang.  I think you catch my drift.

It’s not a good day to be a honey bee.  I don’t know how they got cameras where they got them to film some of this video.  Unreal.  It looks like it was chopped out of The Empire Strikes Back.  Star Destroyers scattering X-wings to the wind.  I’ve watched this clip twice and I wile out each time.

Well this is the most horrible thing I have seen all day.   Birds are generally pretty dumb.  They fly into windows all the time.  If you touch their eggs they leave them to die.  If you slice their heads off with a machete they continue to run around like Barry Sanders.  All that being said, even a fucking BIRD should be apple to flap it’s retarded ass away from a big snake like this.  I guess this is how it went down:

For a python in search of a meal, a juicy bird relaxing in a Queensland back garden presented too good-an opportunity to miss.  The snake found itself the luckless sulphur-crested cockatoo (pictured) in Clifton Beach, Cairns, and coiled itself tightly around the bird high in the tree’s branches.

Cindy Lane, an artist and owner of the parrot, was painting in her studio when she heard a couple of loud squawks from a bougainvillea tree in her yard. She found the parrot in mid-feed. “I considered jumping in to save him, but his last breath was literally being squeezed from him as we approached,” she told The Cairns Post.

That parrot is a Brute Chieftan and the python is the Master Chief.  That parrot is the Arizona Cardinals and the python is the Redskins.  That parrot is a 7-11 pizza and that python is me.  In other words, that parrot is toast.  Suck it parrot.  Suck it loooooong and hard.

Spiders, man.  They are creepy as all get out.  I’d rather arm wrestle Baraka from Mortal Kombat then run across a big ass spider.  Especially a big ass spider that can eat an entire bird twice it’s size.   I don’t know how old ”6 legs too many” got ahold of this bird, but he’s whooping its feathery ass.  Didn’t birds evolve from Dinosaurs? I learned that from Dr. Alan Grant. It doesn’t look like it is helping our fine feathered friend here.  Check out this horrific shit:  I bet yer flesh is crawling already.  I know mine is.  But then again,  I am a coward.  Peep:

Joel Shakespeare, head spider keeper at the Australian Reptile Park, said the spider was a Golden Orb Weaver.

“Normally they prey on large insects… it’s unusual to see one eating a bird,” he told ninemsn.com.Mr Shakepeare said he had seen Golden Orb Weaver spiders as big as a human hand but the northern species in tropical areas were known to grow larger.

The Golden Orb Weaver spins a strong web high in protein because it depends on it to capture large insects for food.

This is the worst fucking thing I have ever seen.  I’d  rather see a positive herpes test with my name at the bottom than see that spider crawling up my leg.  Can you imagine walking into that things spider web?  It must have a web the size of a Buick Skylark.  Walking through that mess would feel like taking a moneyshot to the face, and I should know.  I know spiders are good because they eat annoying bugs.  Why can’t we engineer up some cute ones for christs sake?  Some spiders that look like Beanie Babies.  That way I could stop having full evacuation in my trousers everytime I catch one of these eight legged bastards chilling on my thigh in the summertime.

4 woodsman have claimed to have found the corpse of Bigfoot.  I don’t buy that for a fucking minute, but it’s worth discussing.  Ive has sex with women that looked like the corpse of Bigfoot, but that’s about as close as I’ve come to finding that son of a bitch. Fox News is almost a legit news outlet so if they’re reporting that these kooks might be legit, I’ll at least have a gander.

Matthew Whitton, a cop in Clayton County, Ga., and his friend Rick Dyer, a former corrections officer, say they recently found the body in the woods of northern Georgia. Veteran Bigfoot tracker Tom Biscardi said he’s examined the body, and that scientists will get their chance soon.

Apparently these yokels claim to have DNA evidence, but unless they collected it in a jug of ’shine I don’t see how that’s possible.  Their Uncle Jesse is backing their claim, but local law enforcement remains skeptical.  A protest has been assembled by local community leader J.D Hog to protest the Bigfoot presser. We’ll have to see if indeed, someday the mountain may get them, but the law never will.

The animal kingdom rules. I still think Sam Elliot could kill both of these things with a can of Coors Original, but this is impressive none the less.  I have eaten Alligator, and I know it wouldnt be worth all this work.  I have always assumed the Great White is your top dog in the animal kingdom, but if leopards are dragging crocks out of the water and slaughtering them, they might be zooming up the charts.

With the crocodile snapping its powerful jaws furiously, the two animals somersaulted and grappled. Despite the crocodile’s huge weight and strength, the leopard had the upper hand catching its prey by the throat.

Apparently, this photographer was trying to take pictures of Hippos when the Billy Dee Williams of Leopards when all Lando on this fucking Croc.  So I guess as ferocity goes, the ranking is Me > Fedor > Leopard > Crocodile.  It’s worth a click of the link above to see the entire set of photos, they really are something.  So am I.