Gamespot has news on the video game adaptations of the upcoming Captain America and Thor movies being released by Marvel.  While the memories of the Captain America and the Avengers arcade game dance through my head, I can’t help but remain skeptical.  What with the recent steaming pile of shit Iron Man game based on Jon Favreau’s excellent movie.  I did enjoy Wolverine Origins Unleashed, but for every one game like that there are ten Superman 64’s.  Proceed trepidatiously:

Thor will debut in May 2011, giving the golden-haired god of thunder his first starring game role. The film will be directed by Kenneth Brannagh (Hamlet, Frankenstein), with Anthony Hopkins (Silence of the Lambs, Nixon) as Odin and Chris Hemsworth (Captain Kirk’s father in this year’s Star Trek) in the title role.

Captain America will follow his fellow Avenger into theaters and onto game shelves in July 2011. A cast for the film–currently titled The First Avenger: Captain America–has not yet been announced. While Thor will be starring in his own game and movie for the first time, the star-spangled supersoldier has been there before, albeit not for decades. The much-reviled 1990 filmCaptain America was released direct-to-video in the United States, while the following year’s arcade game Captain America and the Avengers fared much better, spawning ports for the NES, Genesis, and GameBoy, among others.

There have been so many bad movie based video games it is almost cliche for any gamer to raise the topic.  The games are often a rushed afterthought to try and juice more money out of a popular franchise.  There is still plenty of time to design a couple of fun video games to help build the fervor for two more giant Marvel franchise characters.  Let’s hope they don’t go all Rockateer on us…

I’m no comic nerd.  I like super heros and I will occasionally pic up a few books from time to time but I don’t like getting bogged down in the minutiae.  The Swordsman?  Black Bolt?   Spitfire?  Lick my balls.  I don’t give a shit about any of those people and I get sick and tied of Marvel trying to get me to buy crappy, lame titles by using bigger characters as tie-ins.  I’m not buying one more fucking Ms. Marvel book, I don’t care how many skrulls are invading our planet.   I won’t buy one more Captain Britian comic no matter how bad Stark and Rogers are beefing.   And I’m gonna tell you something T.  Are you listening?I’m not gonna be one of those assholes!  Now, all of that being said, let me admit that the picture above makes me a hypocrite.  Some nefarious would-be anti-hero running around in red, white and blue Iron Man armor?  I’ll use my cock to sign myself up for that.  Read on true believer:

Who is the Iron Patriot? Who are the Dark Avengers?

These questions and more will be answered on January 21 when writer Brian Michael Bendis and artist Mike Deodato bring the world DARK AVENGERS #1, but until then, whet your appetite for mystery with a sneak peek at this variant cover by Adi Granov!

DARK AVENGERS #1 (NOV082323)
DARK AVENGERS #1 DJURDJEVIC VARIANT (NOV082324)
DARK AVENGERS #1 GRANOV VARIANT (OCT088193)
DARK AVENGERS #1 BLANK COVER (OCT088006)
Written by BRIAN MICHAEL BENDIS
Pencils & Cover by MIKE DEODATO
Variant Cover by MARKO DJURDJEVIC
Variant Cover by ADI GRANOV
Rated T+ …$3.99
FOC—12/18/08, On-Sale—1/21/09

Let’s do the math ladies.  He reads comics.  Plays video games.  Collects action figures and LOOOOOOVES fast food.  Just throw those diaphragms away tonight, because you won’t be needing those.  YOWZA!

credit: Marvel.com

I recognize this dreamboat.  He was in Kingdom of Heaven and some other sword swinging flicks.  To be honest, he looks like a damn good Thunder God to me.  I never bought all that horseshit about Brad Pitt or Daniel Craig.   They look too much like movie stars, I think I’d have a hard time buying them as hailing from Asgard. Superhero Hype has the yet to be confirmed rumor on who will wield the mighty Mjolnir

Kevin McKidd, who currently stars on “Grey’s Anatomy,” told IGN that he’s still a contender for the lead role in Marvel Studios’ Thor. The actor, most known for “Journeyman” and “Rome,” says there’s been “a lot of back and forth” but that nothing has been determined. He acknowledged that Kenneth Branagh is directing it, a choice that makes him even more excited about the film.

Marvel Studios is targeting a July 16, 2010 release for Thor.

 Hollywood Reporter with the news:

Joe Johnston has inked a deal to direct “First Avenger: Captain America,” Marvel Studios’ take on its classic comic book character. Marvel’s Kevin Feige is producing.  No writers are on board, but the studio, which is hearing pitches, expects to hire shortly.

Johnston first met with Marvel two years ago. When the two parties clicked, general talks turned into Captain America-specific meetings, with much of the project’s current direction resulting from those early conversations.

“This is a guy who designed the vehicles for ‘Star Wars,’ who storyboarded the convoy action sequence for ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark,’ ” Feige said. “From ‘Rocketeer’ to ‘October Sky’ to ‘The Wolfman,’ you can look at pieces of his movies and see how they lead to this one.”

Not sure how to feel about this.  No one rains blows down upon their private area more than I do when watching Star Wars or Indiana Jones.  Does designing props and action sequences really qualify you to direct a movie based on the hero of heroes?  Clearly the action in this flick is important, but I would say the rest is more so.  The reason why Spiderman sucked is everything that wasn’t Spidey webslinging and wall crawling was boring as sin.  I didn’t give a fuck about Mary Jane or whether Peter Parker could pay his rent.

Iron Man and Batman were great because they entire MOVIE was interesting.  Not just the asskicking.  Nothing would make me happier than a Captain America movie that’s nothing but shield slinging and busting some Nazi ass. You and I both know they won’t make that.  I just hope Johnston can keep me awake in between round house punches from those red gauntlets.

These rumors have been erected stiffly for some time now.  Stiff, ridgid, aroused, rumors.  Rumors that would make any self respecting comic nerd throw a pot of hot coffee in his grandmothers face if they were in fact true.  At least that’s what I do when I’m really happy about something.  MTV blows, but they sucked me in with this little number:

Earlier this year, “The Incredible Hulk” director Louis Leterrier got the ball rolling with the coolest comic idea since the pencil, telling MTV News that he thought his green hero would make a perfect villain — a conflicted behemoth out to fight each and every one of Marvel’s greatest in “The Avengers.” “Iron Man” scripters Hawk Ostby and Mark Fergus (who are in talks to potentially write another Marvel franchise) told us recently that they couldn’t agree more, saying they love nothing more than when “good guys have to fight each other.”

“To have all of the Avengers going up against a green goliath?” he teased. “I think that would be very cool to see that on the screen.”

Well okay.  Now we got something here.  The director of the Hulk and Marvel Studios President of Production Kevin Feige have not only offered no denial of the idea, but they both seem excited about it.  Couple that with the presence of S.H.I.E.L.D director Nick Fury in Iron Man and Tony Stark showing up in the Hulk and I think we have something here.  If the World Breaker isn’t going to take on earth’s mightiest heroes, what is Captain America’s  shield doing in the Hulk movie? 

There is too much evidence here.  I’m already getting preparing for an official announcement.  I’ve jammed a copy of Iron Man up my ass and will not remove it until someone brings me the body of Edward Norton.  He needs to shut his trap and stay the fuck out this whole thing.  He tried to ruin The Incredible Hulk flick, he better not ruin this.   They don’t even need his trifling ass for this movie.  Spit in his eye and bring back stiff ass Eric bana, I don’t give a shit.  Give me Cap on one side, Green Skar on the other with the mangled bodies of the Avengers in between in a final show down.  Give me that and I’ll show you a blogger that can write a how to manual for auto erotic asphyxiation.

I have no idea who this fuck is, but he sure has some deep blue eyes, don’t he?  A fella could get lost in those eyes, I tell ya.  His name is Josh Borrowman and he’s in some show I’ve never heard of. Coming Soon has an interaction this dreamboat had at Comic Con when asked if he will play Steve Rogers:

He smiled and gave the stock answer that he’d love to play the character and that Captain America has always been his favorite comic book superhero. Clearly, though, the notion did not take him by surprise and he ended up admitting there had been discussions with his agents and meetings on that very issue.

I don’t know much about this fruit loop, but if he takes up The Shield, he better take it seriously.  They better make some sort of fucking announcement soon.  I feel like I was drowning in Dark Knight shit for 3 years before the thing actually came out.  It’s about time that a Captain America movie was more than just a release date.  .